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Were they out of Mr. Potato Heads? “Annabelle”
James Wan’s supernatural horror films—Insidious, Insidious Chapter 2, and The Conjuring—are basically the cinematic equivalent of popcorn: reasonably enjoyable as distraction food, but mostly air and...
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Still better than a Malaysian Airlines flight: “7500”
Think about air travel a moment. You’re herded like mentally-retarded cattle, practically get anal-probed by paroled felons in the name of “security,” all for the honor of waiting three hours for your...
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Don’t drink the Kool-Aid (or the Flavor Aid): “The Sacrament”
Ah, The Sacrament. This is a frustrating movie. Frustrating in the way my eighth-teachers were frustrated with me when I’d spend an entire class period drawing a picture of the Blue Thunder helicopter...
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Fear the thing that knocks in the night: “The Babadook”
Children’s books are terrifying, aren’t they? I don’t know about the ones they write today, but the ones I had to read a kid seemed designed solely to impress upon children that the Universe is a...
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Mirror, mirror on the wall…why are you trying to kill my family? “Oculus”
Mirrors are horrifying, right? Well, no. No, they’re really not. They’re just sort of there. They reflect us in all our imperfections, and…uh…aw screw it. They’re just mirrors. Making a mirror...
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Harry Potter becomes a goat (sort of…not really) “Horns”
Alexandre Aja’s adaptation of Joe Hill’s novel Horns isn’t exactly a horror movie. Instead, it’s more of a supernatural mystery, or perhaps an enquiry into gossamer-thin ties that bind us into a...
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Just don’t taunt the Bigfoot: “Willow Creek”
Okay, this is going to be a brief one since Willow Creek is a pretty slight movie, clocking in at a measly 77 minutes. Wait, really? 77 minutes? There are episodes of Doctor Who that run longer than...
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Just stay out of the woods already! “The Hunted”
Why do people go into the woods? Does anything good ever happen there? On the evidence of cinema I’d have to say no, nothing good ever happens in the woods. I mean aside from ticks, mosquitos,...
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Portrait of the vampire as a young impaler: “Dracula Untold”
Dracula Untold. Wow. Just wow. I didn’t think they gave movies this mind-breakingly stupid a theatrical release. I mean, this should be embarrassedly shuffled into Redbox and VOD, while the creative...
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Repost: “Poltergeist”
Of all the mysteries that surround Poltergeist—the identity of the actual director, the rash of deaths that’s followed the film series—the most confounding may be how dramatically it fell off the...
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